Episode Recap: The Cock Barrens

Margo and Eliot are watching Quentin make an idiot of himself while he tries to summon Niffin Alice. He has to do some insane personal things and it’s…just not working. Plus, he has to be back for the Earth funeral service at Alice’s parents' house. You remember them? Self-involved folks with super magic privilege? Well, they’re throwing a pretty swinging party, and even Alice has turned up. Yes, dead Alice is hanging around her own funeral, trying to get Quentin to cast a spell to free her soul.

When Quentin goes snooping around, he bumps into Alice's father, Daniel, who thinks he may actually be able to help cast that spell. It involves a mirror, a pyramid, all stuff they’d have to build in the backyard.

Meanwhile, Kady and Julia are still looking for Dana, the woman who banished Reynard 40 years ago. It’s a tricky process, but they’re determined. They go to Hoboken, the most logical place to follow up on a clue. But just as Kady is called away to find some people to help with the baby problem, Julia stays behind and figures out where she can find Dana. It’s a good lead, and the best hope she has.

Meanwhile, in Fillory, a delegation from Loria arrives. Prince Ess (yes, pronounced Princess), says that he is there to propose a 50/50 split of the Wellspring. Additionally, it’s less of a request than a demand. Also he wants to marry Margo. You can imagine how that goes, and when Eliot and Margo tell him to leave, a guard uses magic to transport Castle Whitespire away – to the Cock Barrens of Loria.

Back on Earth, Quentin and Daniel spend some time building a pyramid in the backyard. They’re going to construct this impressive spell, but Daniel isn’t so well equipped for this. And to be fair, he’s grieving, but dead Alice keeps appearing and moving things along. Quentin isn’t prepared to do these tasks, but he promises to try.

After she and Eliot discuss what’s expected of them as a Queen and a King, Margo goes to see Prince Ess. She takes control of the situation pretty swiftly and they end up, yep, totally having sex. It turns out Margo COULD see herself marrying this dude and there’s reason to consider joining the kingdoms. In another part of the castle, Fen 'fesses up to Eliot that she was once part of the FU Fighters. She pledges her loyalty to him, but can he trust her?

Julia travels to meet with Dana, the woman who banished Reynard 40 years ago. Turns out she was pregnant, too and had the baby, which Julia THINKS is the giant man in chains in the basement. Dana informs her that the man is actually a Haxenpaxen, a mythical being with huge powers that can block Reynard from ever finding her. After she clocks Julia on the noggin, Dana reveals that she had Reynard’s baby and that, in fact, the only way to banish Reynard is to harness the power of the labor process. Kady finally shows up to rescue her, and after a quick fistfight, our two ladies run off with the Haxenpaxen, leaving Dana on the floor alone.

Back in Fillory, Penny finds out that Castle Whitespire hasn’t actually been moved; it’s just a spell, and it turns out this whole time they’ve been in Fillory. Margo is FURIOUS with Prince S. and dresses him down in an epic speech wherein she also...declares war on Loria. 

Back on Earth, Alice’s mom Stephanie takes over for Daniel when he breaks his legs falling off a ladder, and can’t quite confess that she was a terrible mother. And that, as it turns out, was all Alice wanted – to punish her parents. She’s not really entirely dead, you see. She’s a niffin, still, and she’s living in Quentin’s Cacodemon Tattoo. How messed up is that?

Oh, also? Reynard’s back. And he’s really really angry (and kills Dana, who no longer has the Haxenpaxen protecting her).