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Chosen One of the Day: The murder oatmeal from Jack Frost
If you haven't seen the horror movie Jack Frost, well, you're good. You're fine. All you need to know is that there's murder oatmeal. What more could you possibly require?
In the film, there is a boy named Billy who is definitely played by a 13- or 14-year-old but seems to be portraying a 5-year-old a la Denny from The Room plus 10 years. Billy decides to make his dad some oatmeal to take to work. The oatmeal is made with chocolate, marshmallows, and antifreeze.
In the film, Billy says he added it so his dad could stay warm at work, a very cute method of murdering his dad for a 5-year-old and sadistic, chilling words coming from an eighth grader.
Somehow, however, this nightmare oatmeal SAVES THE DAMN DAY. Sheriff Dad throws the oatmeal at Jack Frost (which is honestly the best way to get rid of gross food your kid makes for you), and Jack Frost's head immediately melts like presumably Sheriff Dad's would have.
So, the moral of the story is, put deadly chemicals in oatmeal, I guess? Anyway, happy holidays.
