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Chosen One of the Day: Batman V. Aliens
Instead of hanging Batman’s cape in the superhero hall of fame, a sculpture of his hands should be on display. Batman’s hands are rated E for everyone — as well as everything — including xenomorphs.
Batman/Aliens starts with Batman dropping into the middle of the hot and humid jungle in full-on Dark Knight attire. Maybe his superpower is always being hydrated no matter the terrain. Anyway, he is there on a mission he sent himself on to look into a missing geologist who was sent by Wayne Tech to survey for cooper.
Exotic work-travel is a plus when you're an employee of Wayne Tech, I suppose; unfortunately, the geologist is dead when Batman finds him. Things only go downhill from there, but in glorious fashion.
When Batman finally encounters the xenomorphs, the way he handles the situation is precisely why he can sit in traffic on his way to Justice League meetings but still end up right next to Wonder Woman and Superman when he gets there. He taunts the xenomorph, squares up with it, and then grabs its inner mouth like it’s an out-of-control water hose. He fights two other xenomorphs (one of them is a colossal crocodile hybrid, by the way), but that means nothing for the other man of steel with ice in his veins. Batman fights the behemoth like it was wearing the same shade of Fenty lip paint as the Joker.
Batman survives, and once he finally makes it back safely to the Batcave, what does he do? He creates a new file folder, because nothing catches Batman unprepared a second time around. Our man is a planner.
