M3GAN’s kills, ranked

M3GAN, Universal’s new horror movie, slayed at the box office, winning the past weekend with a haul of more than $30 million off of a budget of just $12 million. However, the box office isn’t the only thing M3GAN slayed. The titular robot doll turns murderous after she decides she knows better than her creator, Gemma (Allison Williams), about what’s best for Cady, Gemma’s niece. 

Over the course of the film, M3GAN notches some memorable kills. If talk of a possible sequel (and the ending of the movie) is to be believed, M3GAN might get the chance to slay again in MEG4N. But, for now, let’s remember and rank M3GAN’s kills in her debut outing. 

RELATED: M3GAN is a tech-based horror who is ‘more like a vampire than like a doll’

5. Celia’s Dog

We don’t explicitly see M3GAN kill Gemma’s neighbor Celia’s dog, which is good. (Violently murdering people? That’s a blockbuster movie. Hurting a dog? Unless it’s the inciting incident of John Wick, no thank you!) While the animal-lovers in us don’t enjoy seeing M3GAN kill a dog, this is M3GAN’s most, uh, defensible murder. The dog did bite Cady, which could potentially result in the authorities euthanizing it if such a thing were to happen in the real world. The dog may have been annoying and aggressive, but this is still the least of M3GAN’s kills. 

4. Kurt

M3GAN kills Kurt and his boss David in the same elevator, and it’s one of the film’s best scenes, especially when M3GAN dances, TikTok-style, down the hallway after David before offing him with the blade of a paper cutter. Kurt has been stealing company secrets and his under-handed, backstabbing ambition is annoying — and it provides M3GAN with a great cover story as she frames Kurt for murder-suicide, as the authorities will assume that he lashed out when David discovered his corporate espionage. It’s a satisfying death, but it’s held back from the top of this list because, out of all M3GAN’s human victims, Kurt is the least-connected to her. He was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. 

3. David

David, meanwhile, deserves what’s coming to him. You can almost be sympathetic to David, Gemma’s boss at Funki. He has a job and he’s mad at Gemma for working on a project she wasn’t supposed to and using company resources in the process. When M3GAN initially seems to be a success, it’s understandable that he would then change his tune and be all about M3GAN, as such an invention could be good for the company and his career advancement. Where he becomes less sympathetic is that he seems to have no regard for the impact M3GAN has on Cady, and he’s unbothered by the question of whether or not M3GAN dolls would be good for kids, generally. When Gemma confronts him with concerns that M3GAN might be dangerous, he ignores her because he’s got to show M3GAN off to investors. That M3GAN ends up killing him feels fitting. 

2. Celia

Celia suffers the most graphic death in M3GAN, and while she was a nosy and unpleasant neighbor, she doesn’t quite seem like she deserved this fate. Well, them’s the breaks. Life’s not fair and life in horror movies is even less fair. After her dog injures Cady and she threatens Gemma, Celia gets on M3GAN’s s*** list. M3GAN lures Celia to her garage by impersonating her dog, does the ol’ nail gun stigmata, and then suffocates her with the poisonous spray she’s been spreading all over her yard to Gemma’s dismay. Tough break, but you have to give it up for a creative kill in a movie like M3GAN. 

1. Brandon

Look, as a relatively new parent, I’m personally not a huge fan of, you know, child murder. As a rule, I do not typically enjoy children getting hurt or killed on screen. However…

Brandon suuuuuuuuuuuuuccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkssssssssss! He sucks! He’s a sociopath! All the other kids at the alternative, super-granola school Gemma considers for Cady are already wary of him, and for good reason. He’s alone in the woods with Cady for all of 30 seconds before he’s threatening her and inflicting physical pain upon her, forcing her to cut her palm on a spiky chestnut. Brandon attempts to steal M3GAN, and it is a thrill to see M3GAN come to life, rip his ear off, and then charge after him on all fours like some kind of wolverine terminator, sending him running right into the path of an oncoming car. 

M3GAN is now in theaters. If you’re looking for more killer doll action, Chucky is streaming on Peacock. (And if you’re wondering, M3GAN would beat Chucky in a fight.)