Hilarious 'John Wick' parody imagines fast food-loving version of Keanu Reeves in 'John Thick'

John Wick once killed three men in a bar with a pencil, but that's nothing compared to the high cholesterol hijinks of John Thick.

To celebrate the impending release of Chapter 4 (in theaters everywhere this Friday), filmmaker Caden Butera of Paradox Studios has released a hilariously inventive John Wick parody short that presents a junk food-loving version of the unstoppable assassin made famous by Keanu Reeves.

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"I have a filmmaking buddy named Max Jordan who, like myself, is a less-than-skinny fellow," Butera tells SYFY WIRE over email. "He had been growing his hair out for quite some time and already had the Keanu beard going when a mutual friend mentioned we should do a Keanu Reeves parody. Max uttered the words 'John Thick' and the rest is history. I went home and wrote the script immediately."

You need to check it out right now: 

Shot over a period of three days, the short recreates the inciting incident of the 2014 original (now streaming on Peacock). Instead of killing John's dog, however, the mercenaries decide to nosh on a donut the retired hitman's been saving for later. As you can imagine, Mr. Thick — known in the criminal underworld as "Blobayaga" — doesn't take this lying down and begins to creatively pick off the home invaders using only the high-calorie foodstuffs in his kitchen. French fries and burritos quickly go from fast food to deadly weapons.

"Having a 'theme' to a fight scene always lends the best results in my opinion (i.e. the antique weapon shop scene in John Wick 3). I started by writing down which foods were the funniest to attack someone with and jumped off from there!" says Butera, who choreographed the action alongside Jordan and his brother Rylan Butera. "[We] had one hell of a time capturing some of the weirdest imagery ever put to film (i.e. nacho cheese killing a tactical henchmen). Shoutout to all the volunteers who contributed their time, talents, and donuts towards this wacky, low-budget short."

He concludes: For the action sequences, we tried our best to emulate the iconic style of choreography the John Wick franchise has been known for, but with our own layer of satirical flare. What director Chad Stahelski and his team have been able to do with action has been been nothing short of the incredible. So we figured if we could accomplish even a tenth of that intensity we’d get the joke across."

John Wick: Chapter 4 hits the big this Friday — March 24. Click here to purchase tickets for the film, which currently holds an incredibly fresh score of 93 percent on Rotten Tomatoes (the highest rating of the entire franchise, by the way).

John Thick Photo: Paradox Studios

Refresh yourself on all the puppy snuggles and gunplay with the first three John Wick movies — now streaming on Peacock.