Chosen One of the Day: The Moon

EVERYONE SHUT UP THE MOON HAS SOMETHING TO SAY.

Like a true fancy b*tch, The Moon knows how to make a splash. I mean, not literally. Unless that's the announcement: The Moon has a big wave pool! Knight's Action Moon!

In the midst of frankly just a whole lot to take in this week, NASA announced that there's SOMETHING HAPPENING WITH THE MOON and they will announce it Monday as though things will somehow improve or calm down? As though the possibility of someone straight blowing up the moon on Sunday wouldn't be totally on par for this year?

Assuming we make it till Monday, which tbh is asking a lot, what could the moon news be?

• The moon is announcing her retirement. The next moon will be chosen when white smoke appears over the Vatican.
• The moon is Problematic.
• The moon is having some work done and will now be a SMOOTH MOON.
• The true moon was the friends we made along the way.
• The moon is FILLED WITH CHEESE AS FORETOLD TO US BY OUR CARTOON PROPHETS.

I for one am ready for the moontime. BRING US THAT MOONCHEESE.