Chosen One Of The Day: Jake Gyllenshade

Jake Gyllenhaal has a new movie out on Netflix.

This movie is called Velvet Buzzsaw. This movie stars Jake Gyllenhaal as a posh, L.A. art critic named Morf Vandewalt. This movie is directed by Dan Gilroy, the same man Jake Gyllenhaal worked with in his 2014 thriller, Nightcrawler.

Dan Gilroy and Jake Gyllenhaal seem to be good friends. They obviously enjoy working together. Jake Gyllenhaal feels comfortable enough with the guy to sign on to a truly bonkers film about paintings coming to life to kill their owners. He also readily agreed to play a complete douchebag named Morf Vandewalt for Gilroy. That screams friendship.

But something strange is going on between Gyllenhaal and Gilroy.

Perhaps it’s the month spent together pretending to inhabit a high-end art world haunted by evil portraits. Perhaps Gyllenhaal, like his on-screen alter-ego, is tapping into his no-f*cks-given persona. He’s set to play the villain in the latest Spider-Man flick after all. Maybe the puppy-face Hollywood hunk is embracing his dark side.

Or, maybe, everyone’s just sick of Dan Gilroy mispronouncing common English phrases and Gyllenhaal is the only one brave enough to call him out on it.

Ladies and gentleman, may we introduce you to the new and improved Jake Gyllenhaal.

He shall now be known as Jake Gyllenshade, and make no mistake, he will cut any b*tch who deigns to mangle the English language.

Exhibit A:

Jake Gyllenhaal along with the rest of the cast of Velvet Buzzsaw, gave an interview to The Hollywood Reporter at Sundance, just before the film landed on Netflix. While waxing poetic about the talented Rene Russo, whom he is married to (the lucky bastard) and who stars in the film, Gilroy described her as “soulful” and having a touch of “meh-lank-lee.” What is “meh-lank-lee” you ask? It’s the result of a man who doesn’t understand the basic art of phonics.

Luckily, Jake Gyllenshade swooped in to save the day. 

What we truly enjoy about this very public linguistic crucifixion is Gyllenshade’s unashamed annoyance, and Russo’s championing of his savagery. This is the attitude of a man who’s heard this story many times before. More than once that day in fact. He’s had to sit, teeth-clenched, as Gilroy repeatedly skewered this compliment to his wife’s acting skills. But no more. There’s only so much insult a man can take before he snaps. And y’all, Gyllenshade did done snap.

Not only did he correct his director on camera, he clapped back with an even harsher dig, confirming that’s not even the first time that day that Gilroy had made such a mistake. And Russo, who seems to be mouthing the answer Gilroy gives the reporter as he’s uttering it, good-naturedly laughs along and praises Gyllenshade for finally remarking on her husband’s folly. It’s a beautiful moment for word nerds everywhere but it’s also a lesson to future directors eager to work with Jake Gyllenhaal. 

We all bungle pronunciations from time to time, but if you do it more than once around Jake Gyllenhaal, don’t be surprised when he roasts you for all of Twitter to see.