Chosen One of the Day: Brodie Bruce's cousin Walter

As of this very day, Mallrats is 25 years old, a thing that seems entirely impossible, and yet here we are, the scourge of time relentless and ever-present. Anyway. Would you like a chocolate-covered pretzel?

Inarguably the MVP of the mall-com, a genre we frankly deserved way more of, was Brodie Bruce as portrayed by Jason Lee. The actual lead of the film is in theory T.S. Quint played by Jeremy London who was not the twin who was in Dazed and Confused, but here's the thing: no he isn't. It's all Brodie. But the unseen hero is of course the Tino of the View Askewniverse: Cousin Walter. 

We first learn of Cousin Walter in Clerks, as the cousin of Randal Graves, making Brodie and Randal cousins, which makes a lot of sense. The posthumous tale tells of the goodly Walter who died attempting to reach a very specific kind of heaven (what? Like the back of a Volkswagen?). But we learn far more in Mallrats, such as Walter's penchant for near-death self-love and his, um, appreciation for animals.

Look I'm not saying I approve, I'm just saying at least he tried really hard to get the gerbil out. Valor.

In fact the tale of Walter's plane ride to pleasuretown is basically the...climax...of the movie. The movie knows we really don't care about the lesser London twin and Claire Forlani, so during their TV game-show-based reconciliation, Brodie starts talking about Walter's near-death experience being its own kind of petite mort if you will. I mean, in theory. We don't actually know how things ended technically. Because decorum.

Credit: Grammercy

Happy 25th anniversary, Mallrats. Snootches, bootches, and stay the hell away from the cats.