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Chosen One of the Day: Alison Lohman's Drag Me to Hell office supplies
Like all horror aficianodos, I adore the Evil Dead movies. But my favorite Sam Raimi film, the Raimiest of Raimi movies, is Drag Me to Hell. It has everything. Cake. Cats. That sh*tbird Stu. And gallons upon gallons of bodily fluids.
It also has the finest usage of office supplies this side of of a Staples. Hey, and speaking of Staples...
Christine Brown (Alison Lohman) has run afoul of Sylvia Ganush (Lorna Raver) when she refuses to grant her a third extension on her mortgage payment. Christine has shamed Mrs. Ganush and now must pay. But Christine has on this day chosen to bring home her tray of office supplies, meaning this parking garage fight (which shouldn't exist because it's a single-level bank branch with a large parking lot but that's neither here nor there, it's perfect) has myriad bonus weapons. Like a stapler. But Sylvia Ganush isn't about to be taken down by a few staples.
Luckily, there's more where that came from. Can I get a ruling? Haha, that's ruler humor. I think. Honestly, sometimes I just say things. Anyway, excuse me, Mrs. Ganush, can we get your measurements?
But again, Sylvia Ganush is nothing to f*** with. Eff your ruler and your Ford Focus, you dirty pork queen.
Christine is, as ever, resourceful, leading to possibly my favorite moment in the film and some window face acting that Lohman deserved six Oscars and a Pulitzer for.
Today's Chosen One of the Day has been brought to you by the supplies closet at your workplace, saving lives one staple at a time.
