Chosen One of the Day: Agnes Nutter, witch

Crowley and Aziraphale might be the stars of the show (and our hearts) in Good Omens, but if it wasn’t for Agnes Nutter, the Armegeddon’t would have very much an Armegiterdone. (Please imagine Jon Hamm saying that in his most condescending Gabriel voice for maximum effect thank you.)

As the world’s only accurate prophet living in the 17th century, Agnes doesn’t sweat the small stuff, like her impending death by fire or the end of the world. Her true sight allows her to turn those dour prophecies into bright, shining opportunities… to blow her narrow-minded village to Kingdom Come (or at least Halifax) and troll her infinity-great-granddaughter about the size of her partner’s equipment. 

In the original novel, Agnes is a classical Pratchettian witch, cut from the same delightfully formidable cloth as Granny Weatherwax. But the television series somehow manages to top that by casting Josie Lawrence, the English answer to Catherine O’Hara. 

(Sidebar: how have they not done a project together yet?! I’ll do it. I’ll take the ring to Mordor though I do not know the way. I’ll write that romcom.) 

Lawrence brings out Agnes’ dry wit and subtle bawdiness, managing to turn a brown gown accentuated with doilies into a moment with a sarcastically arched eyebrow. I think it’s all the gunpowder and roofing nails she’s got smuggled in her petticoats. I just love a woman who plans and practices the dark arts! Honestly, wouldn’t want to live deliciously with Agnes? It would be a life rich in witchy mischief, fiber, and sound stock investments. 

Remember: you can’t have any Good Omens without a good prophet.