Ant-Man & the Wasp: Quantumania writer shares funny fake ‘script’ page to tide fans over through MCU movie delays

Why should time even matter when it’s the Quantum Realm you’re talking about? Alas, unlike with our nano-sized screen superheroes, it does matter to movie fans — especially when it’s the next batch of Marvel movies that’ve been pushed to later-than-expected release dates.

Ant-Man & the Wasp: Quantumania was among the long list of Marvel films that Disney said this week would be delayed from their originally-announced theatrical debuts. And while that kind of news might’ve momentarily disappointed fans, it also apparently had the same effect on Quantumania writer Jeff Loveness.

In a silly social media olive branch to expectant Marvel movie lovers, Loveness shrugged aside news of the Ant-Man threequel’s delayed premiere by sharing a totally not-real, completely phony page taken from the Quantumania “script” — and all we can say is, it’s too bad we won’t get to see this insane exchange between Ant-Man (Paul Rudd) and one of his minute insect minions unfolding in the actual finished movie.

Yesterday, Loveness tweeted a picture of him holding his drink in front of the open page on his computer. In line-by-line script form, here’s how his alternate scene (and again, keep in mind that it's all just an ant-agonizingly silly joke) plays out:

EXT. ANT HILL

Ant-Man is there. He's about to go small.

ANT-MAN

I'm gonna go small now.

ANT

No, Ant-Man. Don't! That's too small.

ANT-MAN

F*** you. Even smaller now.

ANT

Please... please no.

He does. The Ant Weeps.

ANT-MAN

Say I am your Christ.

ANT

(Inaudible over Ant weeps)

ANT-MAN

Say it.

Oof, that’s definitely a lot to unpack. Aside from delivering what would’ve been the MCU’s first-ever F-bomb, the joke scene would definitely rebalance the delicate ant-whispering dynamic that (we thought) gave our size-shifting hero such a terrific rapport with his six-legged pals. In Loveness’ hilarious hands, though, that dynamic just swerves straight toward the terrifying instead — at least for the poor lil’ ant.

“Not sure why you would push this but ok???” wrote Loveness atop his script-bearing tweet, evidently a confident nod toward all the goofy goodness that the real Ant-Man 3 script already does contain. As it stands, Quantumania is being pushed down Disney’s Marvel film release calendar by five months, creeping from its originally-scheduled Feb. 17, 2023 premiere to later that summer. Captain Marvel's sequel, The Marvels, meanwhile, will step in to fill Quantumania’s vacated Feb. 17 release date.

Don’t hold your breath to see Ant-Man shatter the faith his prickly little pals place in him the way Loveness teases in his joke script, but the real, finished version of Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania is slated to creep into theaters on July 28, 2023.