45 thoughts we had while watching Grease

When you think sci-fi and fantasy films, you might not think Grease. But you SHOULD. It contains multiple fantasy sequences all filmed on location in the empty white void inside the van from Under the Skin AND, lest we forget, our hero (I have thoughts on that) and heroine fly away in a car that is not either of theirs, presumably to death sweet death.

It's not merely genre — it's a cacophony of multiple genres that happens to have a sweet soundtrack (and also it has a sequel but said sequel is legitimately too good to effectively Deja View, that's my stance and I will not let it go — FIGHT ME, COWARDS).

Summer lovin' had NOT had us a blast this particular summer of 2020 so we're taking it back to the long-long ago in this special musical edition of Deja View.

1. I always forget that Grease opens with a beach trip followed by a cartoon fever dream. It's like the two stages of coronavirus.
    
2. Danny Zuko gets the Ru-veal of the season. His face has more dimples than Frenchy’s report card has F's.  
    
3. OK, Barbizon.
   
   
   

   Credit: Paramount

   
    
4. Rizzo is here with her BluBlockers and a lot of sass. Everyone’s hair is my grandma’s collection of wigs from the Raquel Welch line. 
    
5. Miss McGee and Blanche are the best part of both movies. This is my take and it’s hot.
    
6. High school is a magical time where everyone dates the same people and still all hang out together.
    
7. Honestly every Pink Lady is perfection. Marty is a sparkly disaster, Jan is my comic relief binge-eating patronus, Frenchy is a delicate goober, and Rizzo is who we all only WISH we were.
    
8. Haha, sexual harassment is HILARIOUS.
    
9. CONFESSION: One of my first CDs (that’s COMPACT DISCS, children) was Olivia Newton-John’s greatest hits collection Back to Basics. It was crucial and critical and her voice is that of an Aussie angel.
    
10. This film’s entire budget was spent on cardigans.
     
11. You know Danny is the one exaggerating because Sandy is NOT the girl to get sand up in her nether Cha-Cha. Sandy is a name, not an adjective, please and thank you, mates.
     
12. Sandy can’t even do a cartwheel and they let her be a cheerleader? AND made her do the splits? She’s being set up for failure! Failure and a busted Funicello! 
     
13. Everyone’s lips are so shiny in this movie, and honestly, I’m upset.
    
    
    

    Credit: Paramount

    
     
14. What I love about this movie is that much like Han Solo, Danny Zuko is presented as a cool leading man but is actually a complete awkward doofus. 
     
15. “They’re too low for even the dogs to bite.” Frenchy is a misandry icon and should be remembered as such.
     
16. Marty’s boob exercises are cinematic excellence and alone warrant the film’s inclusion in the Criterion Collection.
    
    
    

    Credit: Paramount

    
     
17. Slut shaming a girl for getting involved with someone that isn’t him. OUR HERO, EVERYONE.
     
18. I feel like we don’t talk enough about the fact that his name is “Doody.”
     
19. People talk a lot about how “WELL ACTUALLY in the play, 'Greased Lightning' is Kenickie’s song” and it’s like my babies are you HEARING Jeff Conway’s voice? His hair is flawless, his voice is … his hair is flawless.
     
20. Are we to posit that the Greased Lightning location is the same as Motorcycle Heaven from Grease 2? ARE THEY ALL DEAD? Do they die putting the car together and everything else is a dream and only when Danny’s ghost wins Sandy’s affection can he fly away to sweet sweet death in his friend’s car that also goes with him to death? I mean, I think it’s pretty clear.
     
21. Patty Simcox, you thirsty bish.
     
22. This one moment is honestly the best performance in the entire film.
    
    
    

    Credit: Paramount

    
     
    
23. Putzie: a body-positive hero in a sea of dipsh*ts.
     
24. I just remembered Putzie is the upskirt one from the beginning of the movie. Putzie was milkshaked duck the second Rizzo threw her milkshake.
     
25. Why is the boy with the cystic acne-related nickname always driving around in a car that's on fire? It seems dangerous. I don't like these 1950s fire cars.
     
26. If you were wondering what all my childhood nightmares looked like, they looked like this THING.
    
    
    

    Credit: Paramount

    
     
27. The diner wait staff fangrrling over their favorite students is honestly ADORABLE.
     
28. The primary dance moves in this film seems to be the "sit on your dance partner's face" move and the "look! look! look at my crotch!" which, like, 'k I guess. I hope every party dress came complete with lollies back in the '50s.
     
29. Danny is so compelled by the power of dance that he has to dance-cheat on his girlfriend. 
     
30. The diner wait staff fangrrling over their favorite students' butts is honestly LESS ADORABLE.
     
31. Oh good, it's my favorite part of the movie, the one where our HERO attempts to force himself on his girlfriend then sings a whole song about how he is THE VICTIM of said attempted assault AFTER gaslighting her about dance-cheating with Cha-Cha! Danny Zuko you are a TRASH BOY. AND A BOOB-ELBOWER. 
     
32. "In heaven, forever, and ever we will be." WAIT WHAT DANNY ZUKO ARE YOU GOING TO MURDER SANDY?
     
33. I hate what a solid bop this "I tried to assault you and honestly it's your fault I'm so sad" song is.
     
34. Mrs. Murdock's auto shop class jumpsuit with statement necklace and earrings look with a jaunty chapeau is THE LOOK of the film.
     
35. I'm a huge fan of the "we are so heterosexual we have no choice but to comb our hair about it" move.
     
36. "There Are Worse Things I Could Do" is the jezebellian reclamation jam we deserve although HEY EVERYONE it's OK if you stay home every night, or if you press up against them when you dance. If you didn't do that, we wouldn't have "Too Close" by Next and what kind of world would that be?
     
37. The cystic acne nickname boy is in Grease 2, too, still trying to drag race high schoolers, and buddy needed to find a new hobby. This is some McConaughey in Dazed and Confused ish.
     
38. Cha-Cha with the DRAMATICS.
    
    
    

    Credit: Paramount

    
     
39. "Sandy, you must start anew, don't you know what you must do / Hold your head high, take a deep breath and sigh / Goodbye virginityyyyyyyy" is what the lyrics should actually be because SANDY, YOU NEED TO LOVE YOURSELF, YOUR BODY IS A TEMPLE AND DANNY HAS NOT EARNED HIS RIGHT TO ENTER.
     
40. "Tell me about it, stud." SO. I've been confused about this one for years. Is her response to the word "Sandy?" Like, "honey you BET I'm sandy. Grainy bits FOR DAYS" or what. I'm just saying I have questions.
     
41. Oh man, who has the dexterity for inhumanly tight pants that zip in the back? 
     
42. This song genuinely does bring it all together, like "prove to me you're worthy of my love, faith, and zipperbutt, Zuko — and if you can't, I'm running off with Marty."
     
43. Marty — it should be noted noncanonically but also canonically as determined by me, a Grease scholar — later comes out as queer because her relationships with men have been TROUBLING AT BEST and she should just abandon that whole gender.
     
44. As we wrap up here with the dip-da-dip-dip-dip and all, I just want to remind the world that Grease the stage musical is literal garbage and we (and by "we" I mean high schools and regional theatre programs) need to let it GO.
     
45. Let it go like Kenickie let his car go off to heaven with Danny and Sandy because, as he foretold a few songs ago, together forever in heaven they will be and they're taking Kenickie's car with them. In fairness Kenickie can't even be near his own car without getting concussed so it's for the best.