Episode Recap: Some Girls Need A Lot of Repenting

Remember when Hailey's old teacher thought Catholic school would be good for her? Lol. When Hailey's about to receive the ash for Ash Wednesday, she has a flashback of perverted Santa Claus, and wrests the priest's hand from her head, and breaks his thumb. She's promptly chastized by the Mother Superior.  

Meanwhile, Nick is falling into his old habits as well. He's just taken a breaking and entering job from this upstanding gentleman, LeDic, and he's to report at the docks to get 'er done.  

Amanda's PTSD is getting more aggressive each day, and she nearly drowns a patient with the rinser while spacing out at work. Her dentist boss doesn't want to fire her, but she is a liability. Novacane? More like you Novacan't work here anymore.    

And what exactly did Smoothie have planned for Scooter Sterling? Well, at his foundation's annual Easter egg hunt, the mindless, gluttonous children get to gorge themselves on littered chocolate surprises in a field. But what's that hiding in the big Easter Bunny? It's a skinless Scooter, that's who! This is all according to Sonny Shine's plan – to ruin Easter, and turn people onto the idiot box.

After Amanda's been let go, she has a teeny, tiny fit, grabs him by the coat collar, then starts to cry... but it's nothing that a container-full of chocolate can't fix!  

And the house that Nick's supposed to roll through? It belongs to this woman, Bebe DeBarge, a now-retired actress of some of the greatest movies you've never heard of. She mistakes Nick for the new poolboy (this sounds like a movie she was in) and invites him inside. It isn't long before he learns who her husband is: Sonny Shine. Womp-womp.  

Oh, and remember when Blue was being blindsided by six prisoners, and all but doomed to death? Well, he made it out alive – with a lot of blood on his hands. Granted, he's on an IV drip and in the infirmary, but that's better than being dead.  

Posing as his niece, Merry drops by the infirmary to give Blue a photograph of his lying, stinking, no-good, SOB of a lawyer, and also to offer him a deal. Blue wants out, she wants Sonny. But Blue won't take it. Perhaps at his own peril.  

Thinking his nurse is actually himself possessed by Orchus, Blue lashes out at her, and ends up brutally murdering her. No more Jello for him!  

And Hailey is being taunted by her peers at school. They're spontaneously breaking into "Jingle Bells" — even though it's April — and drawing lewd cartoons of her and Santa Claus in amorous embrace. So she decides to throw down the gauntlet.  

Meanwhile, Amanda is achieving near-orgasmic experiences gorging on chocolate. Before she has to purge. Too much of a good thing...

Sonny is playing a round of golf with the head of the network, who is looking to make significant cuts to Sonny's Easter TV extravaganza. Sonny, in turn, sets him up for blackmail. That's the cost of doing business, apparently.   

After a somewhat successful looting of Bebe and Sonny's pad, Nick discovers he has an even more successful career ahead of him as a dancer in a chorus line. Granted, his co-dancers are all Sonny's security guards. Nick vanquishes a troupe of them in the most thespian way possible.  

And Nick's final score? It was all those blackmailing tapes that Sonny's got stashed away. Merry's the client, and she persuades Nick to visit her clue cave. He's intrigued. He wants to take down Sonny as much as the next guy (or gal, in this case), and this is definitely a promising way to do it. It's also very colorful.  

Hailey and her nemesis show for a fight under the bleachers, and Hailey is woefully outmatched. She's getting the preteen stuffing beaten out of her when... Someone, or something, yanks her foe up by the neck, and the bleachers start to trundle in. Hailey is spared instant death by a guardian angel. Which is more than can be said about her opponent.  

Who is Hailey's guardian angel but...Smoothie!

At school to pick Hailey up, Nick gets sidetracked. He and Merry rummage through the AV club's prize wares to find a working VCR and TV set, probably on their last legs. They pop Sonny's blackmail tapes in, and find that: it's just him having sex with his wife. Low on scandal, high on stamina. Well... not all of it is sex tape. Till next week!