WARNING: If you don't want to know what happened in this episode, don't read this photo recap!
Welcome to Happy! This man is Nick Sax. He's not happy. He's depressed, drunk, and suicidal, and he's currently spending his Christmas eve drinking himself slaphappy in a Manhattan bar. He's also an ex-cop.
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After stumbling outside the bar, he meets with his messenger boy, who gives him some papers. On the papers are headshots of people we haven't met yet. But Sax's gruff voice and slit eyes lead us to believe that he's not delivering a holiday back massage to these people. Nope. Nick Sax is a hitman.
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Meanwhile, there's a holiday celebration happening in the heart of the city, and it's attracted an army of children and their harried parents. This guy here, Mr. Sunshine, makes the dreams of underprivileged children come true. At least that's his marketing gimmick.
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Hailey is a little girl who came to see Mr. Sunshine perform. But she got there so late, she was put at the back of the crowd. So she escaped from her mom to get a better look. She's also talking to her imaginary friend Happy — we can't see him, he's imaginary. But he's no dummy: he tells her to run away right now. From whom, you ask?
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From serial Santa, that's who. But does Hailey listen?...
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Sax's first hit? Lobster man. He's got a kink wherein he has prostitutes perform oral sex on him, and then he hits them in the head with a hammer.
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Not tonight though. After Sax kills the prostitute's John, he demands a quid pro quo.
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Meanwhile, the local mafia boys of the Scaramucci family are getting together to snuff out Sax. Mikey, the man smoking the cigarette, is the baby of the family. He just got back into town after being in Sicily rubbing elbows with the Don. Apparently the head honcho gave baby Mikey something important before he kicked the bucket.
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Later, the Scaramucci boys bust in to the lobster's den, and shoot the place up thinking that they've hit Sax.
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But Sax (who's totally not dead) brings up the rears and lays three out of the four Scaramucci brothers low. It was a set up.
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The youngest Scaramucci, Mikey, tries to offer Sax, in exchange for his life, the password that the Don uttered to him before he died. It's priceless. Sax isn't having it, and shoots the kid, and he falls out a window.
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Of course, Mikey doesn't give up that easily. So Sax has to go down to the street to finish the job. Before Mikey kicks the bucket, he confesses something: the world is run by devils that look like people. Some Illuminati sh*t right there. Mikey also gives Sax the password...
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Ah, well, Sax doesn't make it out either. He throws a heart attack, and keels over.
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He's picked up by the cops, thrown into a ambulance, and recuscitated by some EMTs.
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Oh, remember Happy, Hailey's imaginary friend? Well, he's a pet unicorn. He flew all the way from where Santa's been keeping Hailey (in a crate in a storage facility) to get Sax's attention. Happy needs Sax to rescue Hailey. Unfortunately, Sax thinks he's hallucinating (who wouldn't) and dismisses Happy's plea for help.
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Detective Meredith McCarthy was one of the officers who picked Sax up after his heart attack. She knew Sax during his NYPD days. Right now she's on the phone with Mikey's uncle.
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This guy. He's got a too close relationship with Meredith and her unwell mom. He's also got an unhealthy relationship with crime — in that he loves it way too much. When he learns that Sax might have the password, he gets a little bent out of shape.
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After Meredith leaves, Sax passes out. A man named Smoothie and his goons arrive to torture the password out of him. Happy tries to give Sax a pep talk and poops - an apple - in the process.
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Sax livens up just in time to very handily break free of his restraints. He goes full-metal jacket on his torturers. It's a vision to behold.
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After making a daring escape from the hospital, Sax steals a car and gets the hell out of dodge. Happy trails along too. It's in the car that Happy tells Sax Hailey isn't just any girl trapped in a pervert Santa's crate… she's Nick's daughter trapped in a pervert Santa's crate. Sax is shocked. That's when he's hit by an oncoming truck. It's... a lot.
